The Struggle

I was saddened to learn of Jennifer Knapp's recent "coming out" in an article from Christianity Today and other sources (the Larry King interview was particularly enlightening). I have prayed for Jennifer over the years since she disappeared from the public eye. I'm still praying for her. I have always viewed her as a fellow struggler. Her music has always spoken to me that way. It still does, even her new material. I purchased her recent CD (Letting Go) just prior to discovering the disappointing news about her. Since then, I have been doing some serious soul searching with regards to struggling. God has us on this journey of self discovery and the way we learn of self is through failure and defeat. It's painful, sometimes even to those around us. But it is the only way we really begin to understand the power of the self life and what He's done for us through His cross to deliver us from it. If we will humble ourselves in our failures and learn from Him, He will show us the way to freedom. This struggle with self is relentless and defies every syllable of truth ever spoken by God to us. Sometimes we become bitter in this fight. We become angry at God and others around us. We become angry at ourselves and our loved ones. But somehow, we always return to our Father, and He washes us clean and softens are hearts again. I honestly don’t know how it is that I haven’t given up the fight, but I haven’t. And I’m unspeakably thankful for that. I know now that the struggles produce a hunger for Him that I would otherwise not have. Over the years, I have seen God deliver me from one form of bondage after another. Every victory has been borne out of struggle.

I almost decided to throw away Jennifer’s new CD. But I’ll keep it for two reasons; because I still hear her struggles and because I still hold hope for her to be restored to her Father, whom she knows – but seems to have forgotten. He hasn’t forgotten her, nor has He “Let Go” of her. And He never will.